28 April 2022 | The Impact of Self-Criticism & Mental Wellbeing | Lynn Lim
“I’m so stupid!”
“Why can’t I get anything right?”
“I’m not gonna make it.”
“It’s not me, I got lucky that’s all.”
Do they sound familiar? Consider for a minute the language you use to describe your behaviours. Do you conveniently classify them under the likes of “stupid”, “lazy” and/or “useless” categories of self-diminishing thoughts?
Self-criticism is a propensity to establish unreasonably high expectations for oneself and to take a punishing, disparaging position toward oneself when these standards are not met. Self-critics are constantly assessing themselves and their performance in virtually every aspect of their lives.
Self-criticism may be a useful tool for increasing self-awareness and personal development, but it can also be detrimental to one’s self-esteem and mental well-being. It is a hindrance to risk-taking, authentic expression, and personal confidence.
The seeds of self-criticism are often sown early by overly judgmental parents with unrealistic expectations of their children. Constant rejection and a lack of validation and compassion from parents may result in children developing poor self-perception and low self-worth.
Children who grow up in this environment often base their self-esteem on how others see them and may perceive others as superior and judgmental. This internalized self-criticism creates impossibly high expectations for themselves in various aspects of their lives. This constant pursuit of “perfection” creates the false belief that they are inadequate or lacking in many ways. To them, any accomplishments in life are expected and anything that falls short of perfection is deemed as failure.
Self-criticism has been found to be associated with a variety of psychopathologies, including depression, anxiety and eating disorders etc. It may also cause psychosomatic symptoms like chronic fatigue and body aches and increases the risk of cardiovascular diseases. Under the strain of the rising mental health load, some may choose to take their own lives.
How to manage Self-Criticism?
1) Instead of being trapped in the blame and shame cycle, consider the underlying causes of your actions
Take “procrastination” for example – instead of boxing and labelling yourself as “lazy” or “failure’, identify the emotions behind the reluctance to complete a task. Are you feeling anxiety, shame or anger? What are the true obstacles hindering you? Focusing on self-judgement blinds you from finding the real reason behind your actions and paralyzes you from seeking healthy and effective solutions to your issues.
2) Believe in your intrinsic value and individuality
You are unique in the world. Others’ opinions of you do not define your worth. Recognizing your strengths and qualities enables you to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and appreciation for yourself. Once you gain better clarity of your own uniqueness, this newfound respect increases your self-esteem as you feel more confident, competent and motivated in your daily life. When you feel grounded and secure in your own abilities, you make less comparisons to others.
3) Reframing your thoughts
If you find yourself slipping back into your old pattern of self-criticism, take a step further by asking yourself for an alternative explanation? Is there evidence to support your condemning thoughts? More often than not, the evidence will prove otherwise. Redirect your thoughts into a more positive and forward-looking space. “What is my desired outcome?” “How can I improve or achieve what I want?”
4) Taking the Mindfulness approach towards self-acceptance
Mindfulness is an innate ability to be fully present and aware of our internal experiences without judgement. We learn to focus on the present moment with a welcoming, accepting and curious attitude. One widespread misconception is that if we judge ourselves negatively, we will be motivated to change. Most of the time it is counter-productive. Self-acceptance is not about resigning to the fact that you have no control over your circumstances. It is about accepting yourself for who you are, despite your desirables and undesirables. And when you do, a whole new world of opportunities unfolds before you that you were previously oblivious to because you were too busy wallowing in self-blame. Self-acceptance empowers you to embark on the meaningful journey of transformation.
The healing journey is not about taking a miracle pill so you will become “perfect” and worthy of love. It is about embracing who we truly are, without judgement, to be at peace and comfortable with our place in the world – even if it means not fully eradicating self-judgement from our lives – It is OK.
Written by: Lynn Lim
If you find your life being precipitated with bouts of anxiety, fear and depressive episodes filled with negative self-talk, we are here to be alongside and facilitate the work for the desired change in your life. Please feel free to contact our counsellors at Healing Mind Haven. We all hope to be part of your journey towards well-being.
Reference:
Beck, J. S. (2021). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (3rd ed.). The Guilford Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2008). Full catastrophe living. Random House Audio.
Brown, B. (2008). I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): making the journey from “What will people think?” to “I am enough.” Avery, An Imprint Of Penguin Random House.