29 March 2022 | Exploring Acceptance: Setting Goals with Mindfulness | Joey Liang
Have you ever paid too much attention to goals, and sometimes you encountered an imbalance between goals (future) and the road to the goal (now)? Have you noticed that your minds are constantly busy with goals and wondering ‘how do I reach them?’, ‘What will happen if I do not achieve them?’, ‘What do I need to do?’. We then spend more time on the future than on the moment, and eventually we realize some goals settings are ineffective or might cause our anxiety and worrying. In this way, goals may dominate our lives.
Understand of Goals
Goals are a crucial part of our life. We excise to keep fit; we prepare materials for a meeting; we study hard to get a qualification, etc. One aspect that all goals have in common is that they all deal with the future.
Goals can be very useful. First, they determine a direction, a path to arrange our actions and time in such a way that we can achieve the goals. We can then see whether our actions are in line with our goal. Furthermore, goals can give direction to life and they can contribute to the belief in our own abilities (self-efficacy) when they are reached. Lastly, goals can also provide structure and clarity.
Possible Pitfalls of goals
Although goals can be useful and motivating, but excessive focus on goals can have negative consequences. The following are some of the common pitfalls of focusing too much on the goals:
Ineffectiveness
Achieving a goal basically means to close the gap between the present and the desired future. Too much focus on our goals not only makes us aware of the goals, but also on the fact that we have not yet reached them. We are highly aware of the gap between the here and now and the desired state. Boekaerts (1999) mentioned, when we notice that we are not making enough process in closing the gap, this can lead to frustration.
Another reason is that being too engaged in goals means that less attention is available for actions in the moment. Imagine, your goal is to write a good report, but the attention you pay to this goal while writing is not available for the writing itself.
Less attention to the present moment
Goals are about the future. We can only imagine the future in our minds. Being too busy with goals may narrow the focus of attention. When we are focused on the future, we may be less able to see the value of the moment. For example, I used to set many goals in my life, which sometimes made me realise it was hard to enjoy something I was doing in the present. Say, while I was brushing my teeth in the morning, I was also thinking of what to wear for work, and while choosing the clothes, I was thinking of what to eat; while I was eating with my family, my mind was engaged with work instead, etc.
Increase anxiety and worrying
Goals are about the future. Because we can only imagine the future with our thoughts, too much attention to goals can result in over-thinking. In some cases, the neutral thoughts such as “what must still be done?” can also be negative in the case that we realise that the goal might not be achieved. In such cases, anxiety can easily occur. The anxiety on that ‘not achieving the goal’, that ‘we will fail’, that ‘it will not turn out well’, or the possible negative consequences, etc. This often leads to worrying about the future.
Mindfulness and Goals
Mindfulness can help create more balance between goals and the way to the goal. It does not mean we no longer set goals. Instead, it means to set goals consciously.
There are two types of goals: (i) Static Goals and (ii) Dynamic Goals.
Research has shown that Static Goals are unique circumstances such as getting luxury goods, a house, a car, which does not make a lasting contribution to your happiness (Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2006). Often such goals are set to strengthen a certain identity.
Dynamic Goals refer to a process that requires constant attention, intention, and commitment—such as painting, playing football, leading a project etc. In this case, doing it and of itself is also a goal. Such goals lead to relatedness to other people. Through mindfulness goal setting, it helps us to reflect on intention of the goal. For example, I used to ask myself, ‘do I want to be a counsellor because I will be a famous and important person’ (Static Goal: circumstance), or because ‘I like inspiring people and myself with counselling’ (Dynamic Goal)?
Increase effectiveness
Instead of using our minds to just jump into the future and then return to the moment. We can choose to come back to the here and now by fully paying our attention to focus on the act in that moment instead of being on thoughts about the purpose or the gap between now and the goal (e.g. the act of writing the report rather than the looming deadline). When our attention is fully focused on writing in this moment, it is likely that the writing will be even faster and more effective (hypo-egoic self-regulation; Leary, Adams, & Tate, 2006)
Acceptance leads to Less Anxiety
“In mindfulness, acceptance always comes first, change comes after”
- Shamash Alidina
Acceptance is about accepting any experience that arises with accommodation and non-judgement.
Acceptance starts with perceiving reality as it is right now and acknowledging what is present. Focusing on here and now reduce us from living in the mind, it helps to reduce the fear of not achieving the goals. If we notice that there is an anxiety, we may first be aware of the anxiety, accept it and let it be. By seeing that the anxiety is there and accepting it, we become an observer of our anxiety (observing self).
Gratitude – Broadens the focus on the present
Through practice Mindfulness we learn to pay more attention to the present moment; it helps to broaden the focus and restores the balance between the goal and the way to the goal. It is easier to be aware of the sub-goals and self-development that we have achieved on the way to our ultimate goal. By paying more attention on the path to the goal, it helps us to see what this moment has to offer, as the moment contributes much more than just a building block for the specific goal. Be grateful every day for being you, and bring gratitude to even the smallest of acts that people do for you. For example, I’m thankful to my husband for making a cup of coffee in the morning; I am thankful to the plant at home for growing lively; I’m thankful to a friend who took the effort to send an encouraging article to me, etc.
Written by: Joey Liang
If you find Mindfulness something you would like to learn more about, or if you or know of someone who is currently struggling, or stuck in the whirlpool of emotional wounds and trauma, we are here to be alongside and facilitate the work for the desired change in your life. Please feel free to contact our counsellors at Healing Mind Haven. We all hope to be part of your journey towards well-being.
References:
Centre for Mindfulness. (2021). My Mindfulness Journal. Lecture Notes, Singapore.
Kathirasan, K. (2017). Mindfulness in 8 days: How to find inner peace in a world of stress and anxiety. Marshall Cavendish Editions.
Boekaerts, M. (1999). Self-regulated learning. Where we are today. International Journal of Educational Research.
Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Jano-Bulman, R. (1978) Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Leary, M., Adams, C., & Tate, E., 2006, Hypo-egoic self-regulation: Excising self-control by diminishing the influence of the self. Journal of personality.
Locke, E.A., & Latham, G. P. (1990). A theory of goal setting and task performance. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
Sheldon. K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (1006). Achieving sustainable gains in happiness: Change your actions, not your circumstances. Journal of happiness studies.